What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
