Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
