You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
