My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
