yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
