Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
