It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
