Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
