He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize