the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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