oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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