I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize