We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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