Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
