yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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