hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
