im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
