people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
