I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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