facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
