Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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