My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
