Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
