She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Michael Bay diarrhea
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize