I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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