hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she told me i tasted like america
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
