she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
