Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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