fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
