As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
