Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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