Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
