i jhust puked up my retainher.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize