Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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