I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
