I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I stole a fireplace last night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
