After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
