my phone needs a breathalizer
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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