I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
