Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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