One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
