This house was built for laser tag.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
