so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
