i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
