Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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