i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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