Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
