We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
