8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
