you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
