Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
