Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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