Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
