Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
