So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
