Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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