roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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