Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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