I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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