oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
