Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
