normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize