know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
