My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
